Today, I woke up, put on my green sock--the one with just three holes--because I knew today was going to be extraordinary. Then when I fell down my steps and the neighbor dog just licked me instead of tinkling on me my feelings were confirmed. So I say hell yes--excuse my language--no! hell yes it is! I will help you. What can I do for you? Would you like a slice of pie?
MARY: No. No. Thank you, but no, not at the moment. Do you know how to make a
tourniquet?
JOE: Well, of course. I am a learn-ed man, you know.
MARY: Could you please take my shirt and--
JOE: My name's Joe. What's yours?
MARY: Mary, Joe.
JOE: Mary Joe? No kidding. It's like fate. It's it's like we're fated together. We have the same names--
MARY: No, no, no. It's just Mary. I was calling you by your name--
JOE: Oh, oh, of course. Right. I'm so silly. I don't know what my problem is. I just, I just want everything to be perfect with the new people I meet, I want to fall in love you see, and when you said your name was Mary Joe, well then I thought praise God here she is the woman of my dreams, my Aphrodite, my Mary Joe--
MARY: Joe, I don't mean to be rude, but the blood's coming very quickly and I can't help myself. I need your help.
JOE: It's my appearance. I repulse you, don't I?
MARY: No, of course not. It's just...I'm. Joe! I'm bleeding to death. I need your help.
JOE: Oh now you need my help. First I repulse you just because I'm missing a couple limbs and now you need my help. Isn't that just like a woman?
MARY: Excuse me?
JOE: I loved you, Mary. And I thought you could love me too, but now--
MARY: Joe! Either help me or don't. (weak)
[MARY begins to lose consciousness but JOE does not notice.]
JOE: Well, I could make you a tourniquet. With your shirt there, seeing as you're not wearing it at the moment.Okay, let's do it.
JOE: Can you hold the one end while I ... Mary! Mary!
[She is not responding so JOE, ties the tourniquet very quickly. Even though the tourniquet is tied MARY is not responding. He thinks about giving her mouth to mouth.]
JOE: Okay, Joe, you can do this. You have to do this. After all, it is your Mary Joe. I am confident my head will not fall off if I give her mouth to mouth...maybe just my lips will, my lips and my hands, that's not so bad, right?
[The Police Officer enters.]
POLICE OFFICER: Excuse me, Son. But what do you think you're doing?
JOE: Well, nothing, Officer. I'm just trying to save this woman's --
POLICE OFFICER: Save it for the Judge. You think I don't know who you are. You're under arrest.
JOE: Under arrest? For what?
POLICE OFFICER: Because you want to violate the reputation of the lady .
JOE: She asked for my help!
POLICE OFFICER: A likely story. Come with me.
JOE: She needs our help!
POLICE OFFICER: I'm not asking you again.
[The OFFICER advances on JOE who punches him and knocks him out. ]