Even doing everything “correctly” doesn’t necessarily ensure a good outcome, however, and there are times when one has to either stay quiet and acknowledge the limitations of a relationship or accept the frustration and hurt that accompanies bringing something up. Christine, 38, is perennially bothered when her mother makes her and her husband feelguilty for not visiting enough. “Each time we arrive, she’s eager to begin planning the next time we’ll see her,” says Christine. “It makes us feel that we’ve already disappointed her, and it makes me less eager to plan the next trip. That’s the irony—we could all get more of what we wanted if we dealt with this dynamic that bothers me.”