courtroom comedyThese are from a bo

courtroom comedy
These are from a book called "Disorder In The Court" and are things people said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were taking place.

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr.. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere

Courtroom laughter

結果 (中文) 1:

courtroom comedyThese are from a book called "Disorder In The Court" and are things people said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were taking place.Q: Are you sexually active? A: No, I just lie there.Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year.Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?Q: How old is your son, the one living with you? A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years.Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning? A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan.Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult? A: We both do. Q: Voodoo? A: We do. Q: You do? A: Yes, voodoo.Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? A: Yes. Q: And what were you doing at that time?Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there any girls?Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated?Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male, or a female?Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to? A: Oral.Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr.. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere法庭上的笑声

結果 (中文) 3:

法庭喜剧这些都是从一本叫做“在法庭上的混乱”，是人民在法庭上说，逐字的话，采取了下来，现在公布的法院记者-谁在这些交流发生时，保持冷静的折磨。问：你是性活跃吗？不，我只是躺在那里。问：你的出生日期是什么？答：7月15日。问：什么年？答：每年。问：你在冲击的那一刻什么装备？一：古琦的汗水和锐步。问：这种重症肌无力，是否会影响你的记忆力？答：是的。问：这会影响你的记忆吗？我忘了。问：你忘了。你能给我们一个你忘记的例子吗？问：你儿子多大了？答：三零八或三十五，我不记得了。问：他和你在一起多久了？答：四零五年。问：什么是你丈夫在早上醒来时对你说的第一件事是什么？他说：“我在哪里，凯西？”问：为什么会让你心烦？我的名字是苏珊。问：你知道你的女儿曾经参与巫术或神秘学的？答：我们都做。问：咒语？我们做。问：你这样做？答：是的，巫术。问：现在医生，是不是真的，当一个人死在他的睡眠，他不知道，直到第二天早晨？问：最小的儿子，二十岁，他多大了？问：当你的照片被拍摄时，你在场吗？问：那么，怀孕的日期是8月8日吗？答：是的。问：当时你在做什么？问：她有三个孩子，对吗？答：是的。问：男孩有多少？答：没有。问：有没有女孩？问：你的第一次婚姻是怎么结束的？被死亡。问：谁的死亡被终止？问：你能描述一下这个人吗？他是中等身高，有一个胡子。问：这是一个男性，还是女性？问：这是你今天上午在这里根据我发送给你的律师的通知吗？不，这是我上班时穿的衣服。问：医生，你有多少的尸体在死人身上进行的？答：我所有的尸体解剖都是死人。问：你所有的回答都必须是口头的，好吗？你去哪所学校？口头的。问：你还记得你检查尸体的时间吗？一：晚上8:30开始的。问：和先生。大概是当时死了吗？不，他坐在桌子上，想知道我为什么要做尸体解剖。问：你是否有资格提供尿液样本？问：医生，在你进行尸检之前，你检查了一个脉搏吗？不，不问：你检查血压吗？不，不问：你检查了呼吸吗？不，不问：那么，当你开始解剖的时候，病人是活着的吗？不，不问：你怎么能这么肯定，医生？答：因为他的大脑坐在我桌子上的一个罐子里。问：但是，病人仍然活着，但是？答：是的，他有可能在某个地方生活和执业法庭笑声