《for Averell》
It was Sunday morning ,I had the New York
Times spread out on my dormitory floor,its
black print coming off dark silver on the
heels of my palms,it was Spring and I had the
dormer window of my room open ,to
let it in, I even had the radio
on,I was letting it all in, the
tiny silvery radio voices---- I
even let myself feel that it was Easter, the
dark flower of his life opening
again,his life being given back
again,I was in love and I could take it, the ink
staining my hands, the news on the radio
coming in my ears,there had been a wreck
and they said your name, son of the well-known they
said your name.Then they said where they`d
taken the wounded and the dead, and I called the
hospital, I remember kneeling by the
phone on the third-floor landing of the dorm, the
dark steep stairs down
next to me, I spoke to a young
man a young doctor there in the
Emergency Room, my open ear
pressed to the dark receiver, my open
life pressed to the word, I said
Which one of them died,and he said your name,
he was standing there in the room with you
saying your name.
I remember I leaned my
forehead against the varnished bars of the
baluster rails and held on,
pulling at the rails as if I wanted to
pull them together, shut them like a dark
door,close myself like a door
as you had been shut,closed off, but I could not
do it, the pain kept coursing through me like
life,like the gift of life.