Every year at this time, there is always a voice inside my brain…“Mom, please come back to me…I still have so many things want to share with you! I want to hear your voice, I want to hear your opinion, I want to hold you tight to sleep, and I wanna tell you how much I love you!”But tears have been with me for years and years, and those voices don't make any sense. I didn't understand what“missing someone” was until the day I lost you. How many times have I wanted to just close my eyes and wait for you to enter my dreams! I want to be your bratty little girl again.You taught me a lot of stuff, but you forgot to teach me how to live without you…But you still exist in my life. I tell all my students about you, how you are a nurse, an actress, a wife and a mother…I have taught more than 300 students these two years, and all my students feel I am funny and caring. I am your shadow mom! My life still has my wonderful family (My father, stepmom, brothers…) You live in my language, my behavior, my thoughts, my sadness, my anger, my joy, and even my laughter. People say I am a strong woman, coz a strong woman taught me how.I believe you are still watching me grow up. I used to scream your name beside the ocean, into the mountains, or at the sky…No one answers me, only a breeze on my cheek, it's your hand, right? I miss you every moment. I even have a tattoo for you.I am used to talking with you, used to smiling at you…but I will never get used to losing you.I don’t believe in heaven,But when I am sad, I hope there is a heaven.I hope there is a flower shop in heavenI hope they have the greatest coffee beans in heavenWho can make a coffee for you?Who can give a bunch of flowers for your lovely arm?Who can play a song to tell you how much I miss you?Who can write a letter for me and give it to you?Who? Who? Who?Who can take away my sadness?Who can take away my regret?I wish you were here to tell me that everything is going to be okay.You gave me roots to live. But you gave yourself a wing to fly away from me.I know you want me to grow up quickly. You held my hand for 13 years and my heart will be with you forever. “A mother’s heart is always with her children.”There is no goodbye between us. I look at the mirror and I see someone next to me. We brush teeth and laugh together. He will take care of me and my family- He is my husband. I look at him and see the rest of my life in front of my eyes. When we are together, everthing I had encountered seems worth it…because if I had done one thing differntly, I might have never met him.We will have a good family and I will tell my children about your story.And I will tell you I still have my strong family and friends beside me. My dad is my hero, my stepmom will be my best friend, and my brothers are my best backup, and my nephews are my cutest angels, and my friends are my wall, and my family in the USA is my next chapter.I never will have a chance to see you getting old, see you having white hair. I will be older than you one day and I will still love you! I will remember the good part of you and me.Mommy, do you know what brings me happiness? You! Always YOU and my lovely family. I will write a letter to you every year and miss you every day.This letter has 15 years of my love and yearning for you.Since 2004Love,Mei