What's the matter?" he asked, the indifference slipping from his face long enough to show a brief look of concern.
"I need to talk to you," I murmured, feeling even more guilt in his presence.
"Ah," was all the response I got. He simply gestured for me to come and sit down next to him on the sofa.
"Well then?" he said curtly, after I had sat down. "Talk."
It was probably a combination of the intensity of his gaze and the abrupt tone that made me feel suddenly under pressure. I felt small.
I decided to get straight to the point, as I felt the tears threatening again, and I didn't want them to resurface. "I'm sorry for occluding in front of you yesterday."
His expression didn't change in the slightest.
"Are you?" he said, his tone flat.
I nodded. "I know you don't like me doing it, and I'm sorry that I did it anyway. It was the wrong way to handle things. I was tactless."
He stared at me for a moment, his face still unfathomable. Finally, he spoke.
"You didn't feel confident to handle the situation without Occlumency?"
I shook my head.
He narrowed his eyes. "So that was the plan? At the first hint that I was not pleased with you, you started to occlude?"
I decided to be honest. "I started to occlude before you came in," I said quietly.
He raised an eyebrow, scowling slightly. "You anticipated that I was going to be angry then?"
I nodded, biting my lip.
"And what made you think that?" His voice was barely a whisper.
"Potions," I said simply. "You wouldn't look at me."
"Ah," he said again, looking away.
"I was worried when I got the message from you to be down here straight after classes ended," I went on. "And I started to occlude because that's the only way I could control it."
Snape's eyes flashed as he looked back at me.
"Do you fear me?" he said harshly.
I shook my head. "No," I said honestly, not even having to ponder the question.
"Then why did you worry to such an extent about seeing me that you needed to occlude?" he demanded, looking furious.
"Because I didn't know how else to handle you being angry with me," I responded quietly, feeling very small. "I worried all afternoon…I didn't know what to do about it, so I occluded to block it out. I just kept going when you came in."
He stared at me, his face giving nothing away.
"I am sorry that I did it," I said, my voice barely audible. "I'm not just saying it, and I'm not occluding now."
He stared at me. "Yes, I can see that," he said quietly. "I do not like you occluding when you're just in my company. Perhaps you will give that fact more consideration in future."
I nodded, feeling terribly guilty.
He looked seriously at me. "I appreciate that you've apologised for occluding. You do know how I feel about it. I suppose it is needless to say that it feels like you don't want to share your feelings with me when you do it."
"I know," I whispered. "I know I shouldn't have done it. I didn't like being blocked out from you either."
He looked grimly at me. "I didn't think you would, but I suppose you realise now how it feels."
I nodded. So he had been acting indifferent to teach me a lesson. As well as being angry at me in general for doing it in the first place, and for not telling him about the DA.
"I do," I murmured, my eyes stinging. "I've felt guilty all day."
Snape sighed, leaning forward to place the journal on the coffee table.
"Just about occluding?"
So he wanted to know if I had changed my mind about my actions regarding the DA. My discomfort grew enormously.
"I'm sorry," I said softly. "Do you want me to say that I feel bad that I didn't tell you?"
"No," he said abruptly. "That would be lying. You don't feel bad."
I shifted slightly. "I do feel bad about making you so angry," I murmured, looking away. "But I don't know how to fix things because we won't agree."
We sat in silence for a moment. "Well, that's just it, Armilla," he said quietly. "It does appear that we're each set in our own view on this."
"It's not that I'm narrow-minded," I said, looking back at him. "I do know that you have a point."
He inclined his head. "As do you, I do acknowledge that. It would seem though, that we each have a different opinion as to what the right path would have been, and as a result, we have been angry with each other."
"I don't know how to fix that," I murmured, feeling uncomfortable.
He sighed, looking tired. "It's not your place to fix it. It's been on my mind all day that I was unable to change your opinion of the situation. I was angry with you about it, as well as the fact that you were occluding-," he paused to glare at me, "-but I've come to the conclusion that we're not always going to agree on things, and I am going to have to live with that, as much as I won't always like it."
"But won't you stay angry at me about things that way?"
He frowned. "Armilla," he said, looking very serious. "Listen carefully. If you do something or make a decision that I am not happy about, I have every right to be angry about i