It was my 38th birthday, and my friend and I took a bartender home. After things got hot, the dude said, 'You know what I’m really into? Getting eaten out.' My friend Denise wasn’t having it, but I’d done it before, and this guy was 100% grade-A beef, so I agreed. He was on his back, and Denise was sitting on his face, so I started working from his balls, to his taint, to his back door. As I went to town, he suddenly sharted in my mouth. I immediately sterilized my mouth with a bottle of vodka and left. I haven’t seen either of them since.